Just looked through the story (haven’t read it all but I get the general jist)
First off the names Alexander, Sebastian and Adela are amazing.
The story looks really really good and everything ties in nicely.
That being said I have go a few things i want to talk about when the story teams next all together you don’t have to agree if don’t want to and leave a comment if you wanna call me out on anything.
In the story (the bit I’ve looked at)
· it’s not crystal clear as to when the will is left it seems like it left after the dad dies but that sort of contradicts its self because the mother dies years before right?
· If the families so rich why is Alexander doing any work at all?
The only other thing iv got to say is that the stories too linier its great as a skeleton for the story but it needs more twists and turns like:
· Maybe because Alexander is a product of the dad cheating the stepmother only allows him to live in the house as a servant and she scowls at him or has a go at him
· Or maybe the older brothers obsession with getting the sword sort of drives a wedge between the two and the sister begins to show compassion for Alex and lets him escape later in the story.
· Or perhaps you have to decide between retrieving the sword that you’ve dropped and saving Adela from certain death even though she hates you
Any way these are just some ideas we’ll talk properly on Monday.
1 comment:
Hey man, im glad to see some more creative input on this. For the sake of the pitch I had to hash up something and by no means is what I did thus far final of course ;).
Anyway heres my 2 cents to the points you made.
1. The will thing is being reviewed and I will hopefully fix and improve this in the 3rd edits
2. I agree with the twists and turns but we got told it's only a 2 minute piece of gameplay and a cutscene but I will review this as well. I do wish we could break that limitation though.
3. To have Alexander live in the house as a servent would kill his anti-hero vibe IMO as well as be too Cinderella like.
4. Good idea, but if Adelia was to show compassion for Alex then that would require a major overhaul on some key plot points.
5. This is a 5* awesome idea! I do like the idea of having to save your bratty older sister from inevitable doom. I'll hash up a quick blueprint for Wednesday.
Anyway thanks for your input, I'll be certain to update the story team on your points to get their respective takes ;D
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